Although I’d rather die than return to the 1950’s, in some ways I feel it’s harder for women now.
There is pressure for women to have an impressive career, be a super mom, be a perfect wife, have a rocking body and have an amazing circle of friends. Don’t forget to make it look easy.
How do you do it all without having a nervous breakdown?
I believe the key is to be more selfish.
Most of us have grown up believing being selfish is on par with joining ISIS.
The problem I’ve seen is most women instinctually put themselves last. I’ve done it myself so many times only to become a crazed, angry psychopath ready to lash out at anyone who breathes within a 1.3 mile radius of me. Hubby, beware!
Here are 5 reasons you need be more selfish:
1.To Be A Better Mom
As a woman, there are few things in our culture revered more than being the best mom you can be. To an unhealthy degree, moms are esteemed or shamed based on “how good” of a mom they are.
I’m convinced Madison Avenue perpetuates this unachievable model of motherhood, so the next book, video or product will be the answer to the inferiority so many of us moms feel (topic for another blog post).
Due to this immense pressure, we feel we have to spend most waking moments studying, reading, commiserating and perfecting the role of motherhood. Inevitably other things get sacrificed: our health (emotional, spiritual, physical, financial) and our relationships.
I cannot tell you how many moms I talk to who feel guilty about asking their spouse to “watch” their kids so they can get some me-time. Most of the time their “me-time” is grocery shopping or running errands for the family.
I used to feel guilty, but I’ve come to understand spending time nurturing my soul going on a hike and spending time with friends makes me a better at life. I’m more patient, less edgy and happier with my kids when I take care of myself.
2.To Be A Better Partner
I part-time homeschool my children, so that means I spend a lot of time with them. While I love them to death, by the end of the day when my husband comes home I need a break. Usually, I’m ready to run out the door to do yoga or at least a walk around the neighborhood. While this means I’m not bringing him slippers and a pipe, it does mean I’m ready to be present with him later.
If I’m relaxed and refreshed, I’m more inclined to talk to him about his day, rub his shoulders and maybe even something else. If I’m overwhelmed and stressed from the day, that door is closed (literally).
My husband let’s me go to the yoga class.
3.To Have Friends
For many years I neglected friendships, but felt lonely and isolated. I began telling myself I was awkward, unlikeable and not friend-worthy. I felt pangs in my heart as I saw other “friends” on Facebook going on girls trips and hanging out with their besties.
This resulted often in medicating myself on amazon, over relying on my husband and putting too much pressure on myself as a mom. Putting consistent time in my schedule to connect with others has been an amazing blessing to my life.
I don’t know what I’d do without my friends whom I can call, cry and be crazy with.
“True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island… to find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing.” —Baltasar Gracian
4.To Love Yourself
I know this term is such a cliche, but I believe lack of self-love is the source of most problems in life.
If you feel insecure and beat up on yourself, you will do the same to others around you. I’m not suggesting having an inflated ego where you think you are better than others. I’m suggesting liking who you are as a person, as the beautiful child God made you to be.
It’s taken me years to get to the point where I genuinely love myself. Of course I make a ton of mistakes and have lots of imperfections, but I’ve learn to accept myself. If you’re anything like me, however, it takes work and maintenance to keep it going. I liken loving yourself to any relationship that needs to be nurtured and cared for. Self-love requires inner work and time to be by yourself.
If you are happy in who you are and are kind to yourself, you will be so to others.
5.To Be Happy
Life is too short to live in a rat race where you’re rushing from one thing to another and feeling stressed, unfulfilled and overwhelmed.
Self-care is the lubricant that makes life a rhythm of joy rather than a drudgery to get through.
Taking care of yourself makes you happier, enhances your life and makes you kinder to those around you.
What self-care can you start now?