I found myself flat on my back in pain, asking myself “Why?” I was sick, in pain and exhausted. I tried reading a Kiplinger’s magazine to do something productive, but that was too strenuous. I was frustrated. I had so much to do, but all I could do was rest.
How had I gotten here?
A few weeks ago I felt like things were really clicking. I had a lot going on and instead of stepping back and prioritizing, I felt like I needed to push harder.
I can get by with 6 hours of sleep a night. That’s what coffee’s for! I’ll push like this until I get things in place, then I can throttle back a bit. No pain, no gain!
About a week ago I started feeling sick. I was annoyed. I thought if I pounded Vitamin C and Zinc I might be able to get by unscathed, but that didn’t work. I got some rest. After a few days, I started to feel better.
Okay, I’ll kick it back to high gear!
After a few more days I felt horrible. I needed to cancel some appointments and I knew I needed to sleep. I was spiritually, emotionally and physically worn out. I do not typically struggle with depression, but found myself in a funk of darkness and despair. I felt super irritated because I had stuff that needed to get done.
I don’t have time to rest. There are deadlines and responsibilities needing my attention.
Did I want to live my life like this? Was this the life of joy and fulfillment I wanted?
I realized I needed to ensure I was sleeping enough, cutting back on the caffeine (Gasp!), taking the time to make healthy meals and spending essential time in prayer and meditation in the mornings. I needed to spend quality time with my husband and kids where I was present.
Any traction I made from working on fumes, which was arguable, was obsoleted by the time I lost from being sick and exhausted.
I felt dumb because I know this already. I teach people about this. When will I learn I can’t cheat the system? Ultimately, I’m cheating the people I love and myself.
The past couple of days I’ve gotten a lot of rest. It amazes me how much more balanced, productive and happy I am. When I’m running on empty, I’m living in scarcity mode instead of learning into God’s providence. I’m also negative, irritable, unhappy and lacking in creativity and warmth.
“It’s very important that we re-learn the art of resting and relaxing. Not only does it help prevent the onset of many illnesses that develop through chronic tension and worrying; it allows us to clear our minds, focus, and find creative solutions to problems.”